Thursday, March 30, 2006

You seem very interested

I've often heard (and said) ", this has been a long day." That's bullshit - everyday is the same length, more or less. I think there's a couple seconds difference, but then let's not split hairs about this, ok? Today was just a day. I got to work around 7:30am and left at 8:00pm. Thanks to chance and circumstance I was able to make the Canadian fast food perfecta of Harveys and Swiss Chalet - and may I say, the Chalet has some mighty fine chicken. Speaking of chicken - did you know that the KFC's in Canada don't have biscuits. I'm not sure if this is a Canadian thing or if it's just the KFC's south of the Mason-Dixon line that server tasty biscuits. If anyone knows the answer, please let me know.

My partner in crime Rufus is going to Maui and Kauai for a three week install. Three weeks in Hawai'i. That son of a bitch. Hopefully he can bring me back a Maui Built t-shirt from Tropix and some chocolate covered macadamian nuts. Nancy is going to Hawai'i too next week - but a totally different island - I'm also angry at her. I really shouldn't be angry because I've been twice now - and I got to the Korean bar and Maui Tacos. Damn - I love tacos.

Moli Moli is going in for corrective eye surgery tomorrow - head over to his blog and send him well wishes!

Saturday is the Elmira Maple Syrup Festival in beautiful downtown Elmira, Ontario. I've been once before - in 2004. It is the world's largest single day maple syrup festival - if you're in the area, then I highly recommend that you head there early. They have pancakes and beaver tails and fudge. Then after all that you can head to this one bar I can't remember the name of. They have picnic tables inside, so it's kind of festhallen like. Speaking of festhallen like - it's only nines month until Oktoberfest!!! You could say that i'm getting excited a little early, but hey - once you've been, it becomes an obesession.

I was going to write about the mouse that got caught in the trap in the basement , but instead - let's just have a moment of silence.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

In Process

I ran into OB at Home Depot over the weekend - well, not really ran into - I didn't recognize him because he was wearing a hat. He should seriously look into a career in espionage - considering a hat changes his appearance that much. Anyway - so we were talking and he mentioned reading this blog by CG - where she talks about people with children who complain when childless people talk about vacations. Maybe i'm simplifying her subject - go read, then come back.

Ok - anyway. OB has two children and was a little upset by what CG had wrote. No upset like "I'm going to cry" or "I'm going to slap you" upset - he was just viewing this from the parent point of view. It's funny because both points of view have some validation. One the one hand, he and his wife did choose to have children - so if CG goes on a vacation to Hawai'i (and did I mention I hate her), then it's not really cool for someone to say "It must be nice". On the other hand, us currently non-children having people shouldn't get upset, well - mainly because one day we (hopefully) will have children and then not be able to go anywhere. It's a vicious cycle.


On another note, Leinenkugel is coming out with a wheat beer. For those not in the know - click here. Of all beers - and I love all beers - wheat beers are my favourite. Blue Moon is my personal favourite, but i'm always willing to try anything new. Anything? Well, not anything.

If you're in the Wisconsin area, stop by your local beer selling store and pick up a 12 pack - make sure you have oranges too - nothing makes a wheat beer taste even better than a slice of orange.

Shit - I wish I hadn't of let Russ and Jen drink the rest of my Blue Moon last Saturday. I'm such a good host - even to my own detriment.

I'll have to make my way to the LCBO and see what they have in stock.

We're in the middle of painting the guest bedroom - it's an awesome olive green colour. I tried finding it on, but couldn't. Oh well - maybe it's a Canadian only colour. Who knows? I'll take some photos later - and if you're ever a guest here, then you'll get to see it in person. Start kissing ass now.

Monday, March 27, 2006

This Merlot is an ungrateful bitch.

He kanapapiki mahalo 'ole keia mea inu Merlot ia'u. I would give up a good number of toes to go Maui right now.

Slightly Bent Hawaiian Phrases

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Talk and you talk

Like everyone, I sometimes question decisions that i've made in the past. It's a fucking typical thing to do - and I kick myself in the ass everytime I notice myself day dreaming off to a few days, months, years ago - thinking about how a situation might have unfolded had I ordered the fish instead of the chicken.

There's an episode of Star Trek on now where Q gives Picard a chance to change something he did in the past. Just before graduating from Starfleet Academy, Picard got into a bar fight and was stabbed through the heart - resulting in both an artifical heart being implanted and also giving him the drive that made him captain of the Enterprise.

When faced with the situation again, Picard chooses to avoid the bar fight and in turn changes his future. In the new future, he has never taken a real chance and has ended up as a junior officer. It comes down to that in facing death, Picard learned to take risks - and in never facing death, he is a total and complete fucking loser.

Now I have never faced death - save for that time my reguator fell apart at 100 feet and I forgot I had the octopus reg. I didn't freak out, I just started cursing - which doesn't sound like much underwater. My dad simply handed me his regulator who a moment, then handed me my backup reg, and we laughed about it later. I really should have remembered the backup reg - but hey, even in near death, I am absent minded.

The one time in life where I was able to change something was in university. Prior to senior year in high school, I went to a summer program at Northwestern University. It was for radio, tv, and film students - awesome program, great instructors, and the chance to experience college life before college. The only thing I regret from that time is not making more friends. I spent too much time talking on the phone to my friends back home, and not enought time socializing there. I realized that the last day when I really didn't exchange home address info with many other people there. I learned from that experience - and I remember the first night in my dorm room freshman year at FSU - I went into the hall and introduced myself to people, did a couple shots, and just generally bullshited with anyone around. If I hadn't had the chance to live the dorm life prior to college, I'm not sure how first year would have turned out.

The main decision people ask me about is my move to Canada. It's all "Don't you miss Florida?", "Don't you miss your parents?"....etc. I do miss my parents (and their stocked fridge), but I don't miss Florida - and I honestly never plan on moving back. There are plenty of great places to live in America - Florida just isn't one of them for me. It's too transient, too humid, and well - it's just Florida. Love it or leave it, right?

Here's my list of top ten places i'd live in America (no particular order):
5. Richmond, VA
4. Boston, MA
3. Tempe, AZ
2. Kihei, HI
1. Madison, WI - I lied, Madison is the #1 place in America to live.

Oh Madison - with your State Street and Halloween riots!!!! From the Hilton to Brochas to the Great Dane to the Pub. So many bars, so few hours to recover to drink again.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Kanada uberalis

I'd like to claim that I always have my camera with me - but sadly (depending on your perspective) that is not true. The times I always regret this are -

1) At a party
2) At a wedding
3) When I see cool graffiti

Yes - graffiti. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing cool graffiti and not having a camera to snap a pic of it for later. One of my favourites has to be a piece I saw in a tunnel underneath Tennessee Street in Tallahassee - "Tri Delts Love Algebra". I'm not sure how that's insulting to the ladies of Tri Delta sorority, but hey - it's funny. Another classic line from that tunnel is "Better Than Ezra ain't better than shit".

Possibly the best ever was "Even Jesus Hates Creed". I think that whoever wrote that stole the idea from a t-shirt, but it's still quite funny - and possibly true.

"Anger is a gift" is a line from a Rage Against The Machine song, although I can't remember which one. I saw that spray painted on a wall of a library at FSU - with the A being an anarchy symbol. Whenever i'd bike past that graffiti, i'd always think about if that was true or not. Is it a gift - does it get you motivated? I get angry at situations and people - but it really does me no good. Does it motivate me to change the way I deal with them? Sure - I try some new angle, and it usually doesn't work either. Creativity is a gift. Quick thinking is a gift. Good in bed is a gift. "24" season 4 on DVD is a gift. Anger - not quite sure on that one. This past Friday was St. Patrick's Day - which explains why it took me until the following Tuesday to post again. We waited in line at the Fox and Fiddle for an hour and a half before we gave up and went to the Huether Hotel. There was no line at the Huether - we got a table big enough for a group - and they had Guinness on tap - so all in all, we couldn't complain. Sharon said she wished they had an Irish band or at least an Irish band on CD - but it was all Better Than Ezra - the irony. I'm just kidding, there was no Betta Than Ezra. There was some Kelly Clarkson though, and as good as she is - there's nothing Irish about Kelly Clarkson. For that matter, there's nothing Irish about American Idol. I broke my personal best for Guinness consumption - the record now stands at nine pints. The previous best was seven pints in 1997 with my uncle Raymond over in Greystones, Co. Wicklow. I guess you could say nine pints is my North American record and seven pints is my Irish record. If you wanted to say that. My mom is shaking her head.

The office safety inspectors just came by. They check the office one per month for any possible safety hazzards. I just told them that one guy has a pile or oily rags by his desk and another guy has built a meth lab. Meth lab jokes are funny - unless you know someone who is a meth addict, then I'd guess it's no so funny. Here's something funny - when we left the Flying Dog two Saturday's ago - some guy asked us if we had any coke. As i'm not a coke head, I told him no - but I also had to add that "...only yuppies do coke, get a fucking life..." I do my part for the war on drugs. Just say no.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Walk down the runway naked

I'm not an athlete, and even if I was, I don't think drinking heavily three nights in a row is a good idea. Between that and the meals (and cheesecake), I am a complete wreck and have been for the past two days. Let's recap -

Thursday night I had wings and beer with Paul at Morty's. Morty's has the best wings in Waterloo - and quite possibly the world. Then Laurie and I went to Failte on King Street for drinks with some people from work. Some drinks? Many drinks - which lead to pizza from Fratellos and a drunken walk home.

Friday morning, we woke up late and skipped breakfast (bad idea) because we had to drive to the airport and pick up Bryan. We had lunch with Krissy at the Korean Barbque on Queen St. - an all you can eat meal that challenged my gastronomical system. Later that night, we had a couple bottles of wine and then headed down to the Irie Food Joint for a birthday party for Sarah's friend Sharifa. I met her once at a party at Sarah and Bardia's - very cool girl and she picked a great place. She might have picked it because she is Jamaican - but I won't judge her on that. We had a chicken curry roti and more chicken wings - and I had a gaggle of Red Stripes.

Still later that night we ended up at Habitat (where Krissy works) where we danced a little (after a RedBull). Finally, we made it back to Krissy's apartment where I was able to go to sleep.

Saturday morning, we woke up and went to breakfast at Dunn's. It was ok - overpriced for what it was. We then drove back to Waterloo and Bryan and I went and got more wings at Mortys. The evening plans centered around my boss Sharon's birthday at the Flying Dog. There were too many people there to list - and we also found out that Greg and Cindy are expecting their third child. I felt bad for their daughter Emma because she's only 7 months old and she's already the middle child. Didn't even have a chance. After some partying, Moli Moli was nice enough (and sober enough) to drive us to Sonny's for some late-night burgers.

Like I said - a good amount of drink and a good amount of food and I can't move that well. Of course that means i'm on the couch in front of "Project Runway" and i'm ready for bed. At 8:00pm on a Tuesday night.

Thanks everyone for a great birthday!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


Tomorrow is not different than any other day. It's my birthday and on top of that, it's my 30th birthday. I feel like I have to make a big deal out of it - but it's just another birthday. This is the same feeling as New Year's Eve - there's a build up but no climax. Well, maybe there's a climax - but only if you're lucky. Heyoooo. Ah, anyway - the best part about any birthday is that your friends show up to your house or a pub and there's something drinking involved - and cake. I love cake. Cheesecake, carrot cake, yellow cake (the Betty Crocker kind, not the enriched uranium kind). Oh I can't wait for cake tomorrow.

People keep asking me what i'd like for my birthday - and that's a good thing. The problem is that I honestly can't think of anything I really need right now. I wanted to get the DVD collection of "Little Britain" - but it's on Showcase every Sunday. I'm always tempted to get a new iPod - especially the ones that play video - but I have an iPod that works great. Honestly - I can't stand half the songs on my current iPod - and I bought them all, so what does that say about me and my taste in music. Awful, fucking awful. All the "24" seasons are here on DVD, so that's out. I was tempted to get a new suit since my old one (eight years old) is falling to pieces now - but then I have two other suits, and when the hell do I wear a suit.

What i'd really like is either a "Fudgie the Whale" or "Cookie Puss" cake. The nearest Carvel is in Hamilton - but i'm not sure where, and while i've been to known to go on crazy expeditions for food - I can't justify it for a cake. Tacos - sure. Cake - not so much, and as i've stated above - I love cake.

I'm really excited about tomorrow (and the cake) - so i'm out of here. Keep it real.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

I'm usually i'm a positive person, but lately i've just been feeling a little negative and down. Now, I don't really have a lot to be upset about. My life is really fucking good. The situations i'm getting upset about are just so damn meaningless - and that in turn is making me view myself as a whiny little bastard. It doesn't matter what you do, you'll always have problems - but as my mom always said, there's someone out there worse off than you - so shut the hell up and eat your cereal. Her advice for fear of flying was even better, and i'm quoting her directly here - "...dying in a plane crash is whole lot better than getting ass cancer and having to shit in a bag..."

Have I ever mentioned that I love my mom?

Everyone needs to rant a little, and i'm good about not doing that. So let's break that cycle - here are the five trivial things that are upsetting me today;

1. Real life pop culture scenese reproduced in LEGO. I saw a LEGO re-creation of Steve Jobs at an Apple press conference. Seriously, that is awful - and I love LEGO and Apple, but that is just going to far. There are Star Wars and Matrix scenese redone in LEGO too - stop it.

2. People who forget to install SQL Server 2000 service packs and then wonder why the system doesn't work.

3. Guys who wear polo shirts with the collars up. You should be beaten.

4. American Idol. Not because of Paula or Ryan or Randy or Simon. Because i'm tone deaf and I'm jealous.

5. Myself for never writing thank you cards to people. Karen stayed here for two days last week because she had an interview at law firm in Kitchener. I barely knew she was here. Then we get a thank you card with a gift certificate to the LCBO (liquor store) from her. I have been shamed.

On a lighter note, I must recommend that everyone go out and buy "Hefty Fine" by the Blood Hound Gang. Most of you will know them by their one big MTV hit "The Bad Touch" from their 2000 release "Hooray for Boobies". Wow. That title pretty much sums up their music for you. My personal favourite track is "You're Pretty When You're Drunk" off 1995's "Use Your Fingers". Funny story, I was introduced to this band by one of my friend the Conquistador's ex girlfriends. We drove across the state one day to get tickets to a concert (I guess they didn't have Ticketmaster) and she had their first two CD's and we rocked out across Alligator Alley to them. How is that funny? Oh, she wanted me and this guy to have make out so she could watch and then join in. Now I love my friends - but I don't LOVE my friends. He could really pick 'em back in the day.People just find me attractive I guess. I'm downloading "Hefty Fine" right now from iTunes and already, my #1 song pick is the single "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo". It's got a great beat you can dance to.

7 days of being in my 20's left. Better drink up.

See you on the flip side.