Have we set a date? Set a date? For god's sake, we only got engaged yesterday. Yesterday, as in the day before today - two days before tomorrow. Hey, I'm an attention whore - I love well wishes and congratulations, slaps on the ass, etc... but if you're going to ask a question like that, well, I'm going to have to answer you sarcastically. We've even got the "when are you going to have kids" question. Kids? Slow down - let's have a ceremony, reception, and after party and then maybe three to four years before that even comes up. I can't even take care of my imaginary friend Gavin the dog, let alone a baby.
Continuing with this narcissism, here's the story of how I asked. There were many suggestions made on how to propose, some of which were ok and many others that were absolutely not going to work. The "take her out to dinner" routine would not work, as i'm a cheap bastard and she'd know something was up. "Take her out to dinner"'s cousin "make a nice dinner" wouldn't work either - for I can only make four dishes -
1) Pechuga a la plancha con friojles negros y maduros
2) Chicken Curry
3) Cajun chicken pasta (which tastes and looks like it's from Chilis)
If I made anything else, it would not be seen as a culinary experiment, it'd be that I was up to something. Going on a "special trip" wouldn't work - as that would give it away too. In fact, pretty much anything out of the ordinary (work, drinking, volleyball, bathroom cleaning) would give it away. This is where the story begins....
I decided the best way would be to attach the ring to a wine charm on my wine glass - so that when we're having a glass of wine, she'd notice and then I would ask. There were problems with this plan already - the first being that we don't put wine charms on our glasses. The break came for me a couple weeks ago when Laurie complained that I hold her glass wrong and leave finger prints on it. The light bulb went off in my head - if I start using wine charms now, she won't notice anything out of the ordinary when I make my move. So for the last month or so, i've been using wine charms on the glasses - i'm very Jack Bauer in my planning.
I decided that yesterday would be the day. Laurie was at a volleyball tournament all day - and when she would get home, I knew she'd want a glass of wine. I spent the day cleaning the bathroom (one of my favourite hobbies - it could have been the lead paint in my crib growing up) and generally making the house look nice. But not TOO nice. I left some crumbs on the kitchen counter, and I pee'd on the toilet seat to throw her off my plans.
She gets home from volleyball and sure enough, she asks for a glass of wine. I place the wine charms on the glasses, the ring on mine. We're on the couch, watching the news - commenting on current events, you know - the usual. At first, I was pretty nervous. Thankfully my years of watching "24" prepared me for how to deal with situations like this. For the first glass of wine, I kept my hand over the base of the glass. As the wine continued to pour, I became more and more bold with holding my glass - showing the ring and even at one point swining the glass so that the ring would move from the back of the base to the front - right in her line of sight.
She didn't notice.
The bottle of wine was now empty. I asked if she'd like another glass - she did - so bottle #2 was opened. We continue watching the news, talking about what's going on in the world, blah blah blah - and she still doesn't notice. Now this is not some ten caret giant rock - but it's not small either - how she didn't notice was blowing my mind. After about thirty minutes, I noticed that the second bottle was getting empty. I'd hadn't eaten since lunch - so I had a huge buzz - so much so that I began laughing. Laurie asked what I was laughing at - and I just told her it was a private joke. Thankfully, she didn't ask what it was about. At this point - if I didn't ask, there was a good chance I might go for bottle #3, and then there'd be no way I could ask - so I said "...hey, aren't you glad there aren't finger prints on your glass?"
She said yes, she was glad.
"That's because I use wine charms. Look at my wine charm."
Finally, she noticed the ring and I was able to ask and she said yes. Mission accomplished. What made the night even better was that we went to dinner at Sole at it's "Mexican Festival" time there - so we had margaritas and enchiladas. What's better than enchiladas? Giant rabbits. Photo Credit - (AFP/File/Michael Urban)